princesses okay, pink not so much?

My son surprised me this morning.
Lately he has taken an interest (or rather, an obsession) with flyers, and saying 'i want, i want, i want'. This is not that surprising considering the time of year we are in, but he actually doesn't really understand that, so much as he understands consumer greed. *sigh* (insert mother guilt here) *sigh*

In any case, however disappointing that is, it wasn't as surprising as what he said while reading his favourite ripped out page of a Walmart flyer (that he told me he was taking to daycare for Show&Tell, despite the fact that they don't do Show&Tell at his daycare, and that his daycare would be more opposed to WalMart than I am, and I go in there maybe once a year, if that) in the back seat of the car driving back home after dropping Jake at work.

In any case, he is doing his usual 'i wants' while pointing at pictures on the flyers, mostly talking to himself, and I hear him say: "And I want that one. It has princesses and is pink. No, I don't want that one, I don't like pink. I want that [other] one, it is blue."

What? Since when does little J not like pink? We have bought him things specifically because he does like pink. I realize this may just be a 3-year old 'stage', and he can certainly change what colours he likes, but the way he said it, was like his innocence is now lost. I am gathering some other boy has told him that he is not to like pink, and I realize that little J will still like pink and it was just a momentary thing. I didn't expect him to love pink all his life, and I know he also enjoys blue (and also many other colours), and I appreciate that it wasn't the 'princesses' that he couldn't like, just pink, but still... my little guy is growing up and being influenced by others. (It isn't that I didn't expect that either, but still...)

[All this said, and for a few years - about 10 years ago - my Mom made fun of me for not ever liking pink. I don't ever recall it being as strong as that, but I also don't recall it ever being a favourite colour, and sure I refused to wear it for a few years.]

I just hate how much we gender the kids in our society, and the adults and teenagers too. I hate how colours symbolize or are attributed to particular genders and sexes. And in my heart, I know that big J and I still parent queerly, and little J is still our 'queerling', but I also know we can't totally and always protect him from the outside world that puts particular ideas in his head. *sigh*

I have to put this into perspective and 'get over it'.
I did try to ask little J why he thought he didn't like pink, or kind of where this came from, but he was so wrapped up in 'i wants', and i was still driving home through downtown that I never got an answer...

i never thought i'd see the day - the pope 'okays' condoms

I hardly ever open a newspaper, although I almost always bring the new local papers in for my partner to look through and check the flyers. My main way of finding out news is through FB (people's statuses, notes, and links). But, as I was waiting to get the tired torqued this morning, I sat down and picked up the 'free daily' Capital News. I read 3 stories while I waited, and am shocked I hadn't heard of the 3rd one...

First, DP had told me about the Korean tensions and violence yesterday, and it was the front cover story, so I read about that. Quite important news, I thought to myself, so glad it was on the cover!

Second, I see Jennifer Grey's picture (at the top of the paper), as she apparently won Dancing With The Stars last night. Not surprising in the least, despite the many years since Dirty Dancing. Reading this article (on page 8), I felt that I missed out of seeing her perform, as I hadn't watched one episode of DWTS this season, and didn't even know she was in it! (I had heard about Bristol Palin though - go figure!) ;-)

But while looking for another article to read I came across something Earth shattering, seriously, a moment I had begun to doubt would come in my lifetime -- while the Korean tensions were surprising, and are important in World news; and Jennifer Grey, I'm sure was the expected winner this season on DWTS, these 2 news stories are somewhat predictable. But... the Pope okaying use of condoms?!? Did I just read that? Did Hell freeze over? (Cause Kelowna sure did, but that's beside the point entirely.) The leader of the Catholic Church noted that the evil of using a condom is minor in comparison to the evil of spreading HIV/AIDS?!? Wow! Now that is news! Page 13 news in this newspaper - meaning less relevant than Korea and Jennifer Grey - seriously?
This is a day when I wish I did HIV/AIDS related research, because this is momentous news, and it gets pushed to page 13? What has the world come to? Do people not realize the importance of this? I mean, yes, I am glad that it got a sentence on the cover of the paper, but page 13? I don't care that it is 'only' world news, there is no way it should be on page 13! Why did I not see mention of this on FB yesterday (or first thing this morning)? This is HUGE news, HUGE. No, the pope didn't say he loves condoms, but he did say he approved of people using them. He said that spreading HIV/AIDS is worse than not letting a baby be conceived. This is HUGE. I can't imagine I'm the only one who thinks THIS should have been the cover story, although I totally appreciate the Korean conflict being there.
I just don't understand why 'World News' gets to be pushed to page 13, and even celebrity/TV news ranks higher. What's with that?
Ok, my rant is done (for now). I guess that's what it takes for me to blog after a 7+ month hiatus.
The pope saying 'okay' to condoms. I just never thought I'd see the day.

my letter to York U's administrators, concerning the pending closure of the Association of Research on Mothering

I encourage everyone to find out more about this closure at www.yorku.ca/arm and to try to stop the closure. Research on mothering is certainly devalued, just as mothering work is devalued in our culture. While it is not "just" that this happens, it will continue to happen, unless more research and more advocacy is taken that takes a stand in proving the importance of mothers, mothering, and motherhood. (And at the same time, realizing that cultural pressures to become/be 'mothers' are not 'just' either.) In any case, here is my letter:


To those of who have the financial and political ability to stop the closure of the Association for Research on Mothering,

It was with incredible shock and disappointment that I read the news of the pending closure of ARM, earlier this week. I am a PhD student who writes to you today not only because I have been published in JARM twice, have a chapter to be published in a Demeter book currently at the printers, and am a co-editor of a book Demeter is to publish in 2012, but because the loss of the ONLY journal and publishing company to concentrate on research on mothering and motherhood shows disrespect for mothers throughout the world.

As a mother and as a researcher of diverse families, the pending closure of ARM is both a professional and a personal kick in the teeth, so to speak.

While mothers are continually a group of people whose work (as mothers) is culturally devalued, the shutting of ARM, in some ways, does not come as a surprise. The fact, however, that ARM has been organized and run at York University, an institution that is usually seen as more progressive than most, especially with regard to the research and treatment of typically marginalized populations, makes it all the more devastating to find out the administrators at York do not have enough backbone to financially and politically support such an internationally recognized, and ultimately unique and important association, such as ARM.

This lack of support for ARM is abhorrent, and is sure to reflect more largely upon the whole university.

That said, I urge you to reconsider the funding of ARM, and to re-establish the reputation of York University as a politically progressive institution that ultimately does stand-up for, and support not only research on mothering, but many other people and work focusing on marginalized populations.

Thank you.
-Me
PhD student at the University of British Columbia, Okanagan campus

The boy can open doors...

It first happened a couple of days ago. We were staying at my parents' house for a couple of days, and, as per usual, I had closed the doors to the rooms Justin should stay out of. When I went to find out where he escaped to, and found him sitting at the computer in a room I had thought I'd closed a door to, I thought to myself, 'hmmm... better double check that you close this door'. I mean, it dawn on me for a second that maybe he had opened the door, but I blew it off. He tries doors all the time, moving them this way and that, and then concludes that they are indeed, 'locked.' So, I figured either I didn't close the door properly, or someone else had opened it in the meantime - that someone else not being the almost 2.5-year old boy of mine.

That evening Justin was put to the test, as I kept trying to keep him out of the room with the computer in it, also the room he would eventually go to bed in, he kept letting himself into it.

When I got up the next morning, I wondered what he'd do once he woke-up. We had been there for a couple of nights, and he had woken up saying what he normally says upon waking, "Mommy? Mommy?" or "snack?" (the latter only if I am laying right beside him, although the former still usually precedes it).
I was having breakfast with my parents in their kitchen, and my dad was asking about how his grandson was doing, and who should appear but the little guy himself!!! Now, I knew my boy was smart, but this stunned me. Not only did he not cry/ask for me, but he did not knock on the door (which he sometimes resorts to at home, either when playing or when we don't respond to his calling quickly enough). Instead, my little boy - obviously not a baby anymore - successfully got down from the 'big bed' (he usually sleeps on a mattress on the floor), opened the door, and came straight to where the breakfast is found!!!

To put still more amazement into this whole situation, he then promptly asked for a 'cupcake' while peering onto all the counters and checking out what we were eating. He had not forgotten that Granny had brought cupcakes home the night before, and he was told that (as it was close to bedtime), he could not have one then, but could tomorrow.
So, as the boy stunned me that morning, what else was I to do but give him what he requested? We'd be leaving for our own home within a couple of hours, so while I had hoped he'd forget about the cupcake, I gathered there was no better time for it then when he had already stunned me with his grown-up abilities. He got to have the cupcake for breakfast.

So, now we are back home. And... I bought cupcakes today for Valentine's Day. The boy has continued to demonstrate his newly-learned abilities for opening doors -- in anticipating that this skill would be learned in the near-future, I had put child-proof 'handles' on the doorknobs of doors I didn't want to find out 'too late' that he could open (ie: doors to outside, and out of his room). While I get up from the floor of the living room to open the door to his room so he can access more toys, I find I am too late - he has already opened it, and is helping himself to whichever toys he wants!!!
Now the question remains, will he request a cupcake for breakfast tomorrow morning? Is a cupcake acceptable for breakfast on Valentine's Day? I think I'll stay clear of that happening, should he then start to expect cupcakes as 'normal' and 'acceptable' foods for breakfast.

So, he has reached yet another milestone. Even less is safe in our house!!!
I wonder what the next milestone will be, but hopefully he gives me enough time to recover from this one first - although frequent/regular use of the potty would be a welcome milestone!!! ;-)
(hint, hint) ;-)

to blog or not to blog... (aka: why I am now here)

It seems I have given in to the pressures that be, and joined the blogging world. I never thought I'd do this, as it seems 1) so self-absorbed, 2) so time consuming, 3) so status-quo, and 4) so something of a mix between bragging or leaving oneself so vulnerable. But lately it has come to my attention that there are too many notes that I want to write on FB that never get written cause it just doesn't seem the place; so here I am.

Maybe I am really here due to the fact that this adds to my realm of procrastination techniques available when really my plate is too full already. I'm not really sure. What I do know is I've come to admire those who blog (however frequently), and really appreciate reading their perspectives and experiences with things. Whatever the reason, I am here.

In trying to come up with a 'name' for the blog, it seemed everything that first came to mind was too narrow, putting me in a box like that was the extent of who I am: 'mother', 'academic', 'mother PhD student', 'anthropologist', 'feeling isolated in Kelowna', 'partner to my partner', 'too busy for blogging', etc., and then I realized something that my DP reminds me of every so often...

I met my DP through an online social network, almost 5 years ago (so close to 5 years I find it creepy how time has flown by!!!), and in my profile I noted that I wanted to meet people who recognized and respected "the multiplicities that are me". My DP has always valued all that makes me who I am, and tries to remind me of these "multiplicities" whenever I get overwhelmed or over-burdened or too distracted by one particular area (I will admit that too often it is school/work). So, maybe this blog will help me find balance and help remind me (and you) of the multiplicities that are me, of the multiple passions that I have, and of the plethora of hobbies and interests that have formed who I am. And maybe, just maybe, blogging will be added to that mix and make me even more like a tossed salad ;-)

I expect a variety of blogs to be rants, particular to living in conservative Kelowna, but hope enough love and passion shows through to possibly interest someone else in reading this, although, maybe I can also find delight in just writing for myself, which is a phenomenal and fabulous thing in its own right. ;-)